I am writing to ask if you can help me to persuade my husband to do less around the house. I am worried that he is going to make himself ill from exhaustion. Also, and it is hard for me to say this to him without being hurtful, I married him for his fun personality not his work ethic and I fear I am losing him to domestic drudgery. I want an equal partner, not a slave.
We have a toddler and a baby, born few months ago. During the pregnancy, I was quite tired and run down and my darling, supportive husband started to do more and more around the house and with our son (and despite a full-time, responsible job, he has always done more than his fair share of housework). I am now breastfeeding the baby, which is tough because he barely stops feeding and won’t really nap anywhere except in my arms.
So this leaves my husband doing the shopping, tidying, washing and cooking. He gets up at 6am every morning to get our toddler ready for nursery, with a packed lunch, and he drops him off before he can get himself off to work. Meanwhile, I just sit around feeding the baby!
I feel permanently guilty and as if the only way I will get my husband to do less is if I do more. The thing is that I can walk away from mess and he can’t.
I hugely appreciate him helping, but, beyond the basics, would rather see him sleeping or even cuddling me on the sofa rather than trying to be on top of everything. I love my husband – he is truly the sweetest, most loving, most wonderful lover and father, but I find myself resenting the fact that I barely see his fun side these days because he is so tired that he is essentially ill – and I can’t help thinking it is at least partly self-inflicted
